The beginning of the year brings out the most awful, vile movies, those without a snowball’s chance in hell of earning an Oscar, or even a Golden Globe. Just when audiences think movies can’t get much worse than what La-La Land has been churning out over the past few weeks, we hit rock bottom with a flick starring Hollywood super-flake Paris Hilton.
How Hilton’s new flick, not-so-ingeniously titled “The Hottie and the Nottie,” made it to theaters instead of being condemned to a DVD-only release is beyond my comprehension.
The ultra-shallow flick finds Hilton in the “hottie” role being courted by a gawky boy who has admired her since elementary school. There’s just one obstacle to their happiness: The hottie won’t commit until her beastly — hairy mole and all — best friend finds a man, too.
But wait: There is a chance this flick could come up for award contention, when the mean-spirited Razzies honor Hollywood’s most appalling blunders.
There are more shamelessly shallow flicks on the roster for movie-goers this week. Cue Kate Hudson and Matthew McConaughey as an estranged couple who are brought back together while searching for a massive 18th-century treasure in “Fool’s Gold.”
There’s nothing like treasure hunting to rekindle a romance, though (really?), and the sex-crazed couple takes a shot at finding the valuable goods in between arguing and getting naked.
The pairing reminds the world of another pointless flick featuring the duo, “How to Lose a Guy in 10 Days.” Movie execs are hoping the ladies who found themselves swooning over McConaughey in that chick flick will head to the box office to give the hunky actor another shot with Hudson some five years later.
What’s that, moviegoers? Are you begging for mercy from the crap Tinseltown is shoving at you this week? Sorry, your wish is denied, as Martin Lawrence stars in “Welcome Home, Roscoe Jenkins.”
Lawrence plays a television talk-show host, kind of like a convoluted Dr. Phil, who brings his gorgeous new fiancée home to meet his family. Conflict comes in the form of the most crude and obnoxious family anyone has ever seen, complete with Cedric the Entertainer and Mo’Nique.
This flick comes from the creative mind of Malcolm D. Lee, who wrote and directed Lawrence in this film. Let’s just say I would be much happier seeing a new project from Lee’s famous cousin, director Spike Lee. But the more celebrated Lee is making audiences wait until fall of this year for his next project, the story of four African-American soldiers fighting in World War II.
Remember Colin Farrell? The Irish actor was one of Hollywood’s hottest prospects a few years ago and, “Miami Vice” aside, he has not exactly been a frequent flier on the big screen since 2004.
Now Farrell is back in theaters in a limited-release action flick that finds him co-starring with the brilliant Brendan Gleeson in “In Bruges,” a cheeky film that finds two hitmen sightseeing while running for their lives.
